god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
