Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
