I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
