I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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