We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
