I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
