i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize