I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
