so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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