Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
