shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
