I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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