ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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