I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
