He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
