Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
