Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
