pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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