She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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