We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize