using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
