She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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