just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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