You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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