So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
