Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
