I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
North Korea, Best Korea!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
