Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
