come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
