so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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