If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
