I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
