gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
