The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize