Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
