You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
