So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
