Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
