when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Randomize
