apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
