Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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