see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
