are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
