I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
