I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
