Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
