I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
