I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
