I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
