I could have mohawked her pubes.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Randomize