I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
