woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
