I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
