I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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