at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
