i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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