So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
