hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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