Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
