i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
