I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize