So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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