So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So vagazzling was a success
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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