its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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