I am puke
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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