you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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